Tonight, this will be short and sweet. It's 4 am , and I think, or perhaps I hope, that maybe now I can sleep. Maybe in the days that come I will add more thoughts, but for tonight, I am just overwhelmingly sad. I lost our baby today, no reasons, no rhyme, just not meant to be the doctor said. It was a physically exhausting night for sure, but emotionally, I am sure that the days to come might be tougher.
In a technique I learned long ago, and still am not so sure I believe works, there remains one shining light in this darkness, and I have to focus on that good. Jakey will be my beacon, and Scott's too I think, because for him, there is no sadness, nothing bad in this world yet. There is just Mama, and Dada, and blue puppy, and ice cream and so much love (OK and a small amount of stubborn, hey, he is my kid!).
So tonight, I am so thankful for my husband and son, for our family. And some day soon, I hope to think of our angel baby and find a smile, I know that our little bean will always be some part of our family. I know it's only one thing, not the requisite three, but hey, maybe tomorrow I can find another - I'll build from there.
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You and your family are in my thoughts, Mary Beth. Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is broken for you. ((hugs))from another mommy of "angels in waiting, gone before they could be given wings to fly"
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